"You gotta beat your demons"

A friend (Matt) and I have an inside joke where we tell eachother that we "gotta beat your demons" (said with an English accent). This joke originally started when Matt ran into another friend of ours on the beach one day. The friend on the beach was eating these little tiny snails, which are popular here in Taiwan. He offered them to Matt which he declined. Our friend replied, "You gotta beat your demons!" So Matt ended up trying them after all.
Well this phrase has been running through my head alot lately. As I have mentioned this journey to be healthy is not just about losing weight... I want to be healthy in all areas of my life. So I bought Jillian Micheals new book Unlimited. Though I don't really agree or ...get what is talked about early on in the book there are some really good points. One point that has really hit home is about working through things that hold us back in our lives. Whether it is lack of confidence in yourself or running from close relationships with others... whatever keeps you from being the person you really want to be.
3 years ago I saw a theropist to help me deal with some issues from my childhood. Reading through this section in this book reminded me of that... and helped me to realize that there are things that I still need to work out. First you have to identify areas in your life that aren't ideal.
For me, I have this deep since of justice... that everyone should follow the rules, do the right thing. I can't handle it when I see people not following the rules. I get really angry and it affects alot of areas in my life. If I feel wronged by someone it is hard for me to get past that. I am also a perfectionist. Which really corelate with the following the rules thing. I want to do everything perfect. I have a hard time when I don't do something perfect or get an A++ on a test, etc. I have such a high standard for myself. I also have a hard time when others aren't perfect.
But where did this come from? That is the second step. Going back as far back as you can to see why you feel the way you do. For me, I think it has alot to do with my relationship with mom. My mom was very strict with me. As I was growing up I rarely felt whatever I did was good enough. There was such a standard laid out for me that was impossible for a child to reach. If I cleaned the entire house, my mom would find the one thing not done and complain about it. I was never good at school, a B and C student at best, even though I tried very hard. My mom tried to teach me problem solving skills. But the stress of always having to figure out the best way to do something was tough. Things that my mom considered common sense were not common sense for a 8 year old child.
The result of this is as a grown up to now repeat this same cycle over again in my relationships. I can't understand why someone will do something a certain why when it's "common sense" that it should be done this way. I don't have patience with people who don't think the way I do. I put unfair expectations on my friends and family members and on myself.
So how do I change? I am not sure... I working on that. Still reading the book but I think it has something to do with forgiving the person that made you feel the way that you do... in my case forgiving my mom for making me feel like I was never a good enough daughter.
If these words sound harsh, understand that I loved/love my mom whole heartly and I know that she loved me the same. She never meant to make me feel the way she did. (I think she had issues from her childhood too that made her the way she was.) I want to break this cycle. I don't want my children to feel the same way that I did.
There are alot of areas in my life that need changing and I hope as this journey continues that I will be able the work through these areas in by life so that I can have healthy relationships with those around me and not be so hard on myself. Really, I working towards a NEW ME!